Turkey Hunting & Marriage
Ok, so us hunters all know how turkey hunting can destroy a marriage, but can there be lessons learned in the turkey woods that can strengthen our marriages?
Lesson 1: You need to meet in the middle. Ok, if you’ve ever turkey hunted you’ve ran into this scenario. You’ve got a Tom 60 yrds away that has come in over 100yrds. 10 more yards and you’ve filled your tag but he’s not having it, he’s done, he’s not budging an inch closer. Why in the world would he come all that way simply to hang up on you just out of range? Well ladies, he’s wanting some respect. Now he’s pursued you over half the way, but come on, he doesn’t want to seem desparate! He wants to know that his pretty hen still thinks he’s that dominate Tom worth meeting in the middle.
Ok guys, wipe that smug smile off your face, check out this next scenario. You crawl up to a freshly mowed, bright green pasture and there he is, that ol’ Tom is out there all by himself and he’s just outa range. Easy pickins right, well not so fast. You get set up, even get your hen decoy stuck in the edge of the field. You then let out a string of the prettiest yelps you ever did make – Your heart quickens as that big tom blows up into full strut, turns looks directly at that pretty little thing and does what? NOTHING, he simply struts his stuff back and forth out there, too full of pride to even acknowledge her beauty and let her know that he loves her and wishes to pursue her. You watch, he’ll blame her later on in the day when he wants a little action and his pretty little thing wants no part of it, as a matter of fact, he doesn’t know where she went!
Lesson #2: For you Toms, fight for your mate. Ok, we’ve all seen the videos. The guy is calling with his pretty little decoy out front. It’s not long before a young testosterone filled jake sees the beauty and decides to make a go for her – bad decision for she doesn’t belong to him. What he has yet to see is a big mature tom just out of sight in the brush, close to the decoy. That lovesick jake comes sprinting in with one thing on his mind, we’re talking the opposite of innocent thoughts. Well whatever he’s thinking is rudely interrupted by 24+ pounds of mature tomness as he is pounded by powerful wings and thrashed with razor-like spurs. Lovesick jake is up and sprinting again, but you can bet it’s in the opposite direction and he’s doing so with a few less feathers. Ok guys here is our chance to prove our manliness to our wives, but I’ve seen our great powerful gender fail many times right here. You gotta fight for her! You know exactly what I’m talking about – that someone in her life that continually knocks her down emotionally, maybe even respected spiritual leaders or family that take pleasure in inflicting wounds. Not to mention that stalker in the office that crosses one too many boundaries – it may be time for the flogging! Floggings come in all degrees of severity, but the effect on the protected wife is the same, she feels loved, closer to you than ever, and worth fighting for. Be advised, you’re in for some real lovin here;-) Ever see what happens after the Tom runs off the jake?
Lesson #3: For you hens, please speak sweetly. Ok, I’ll admit this one is a bit of a stretch. I’ve saw some birds run in to some pretty sad calling. Forget that for a moment. My wife is very pro-hunting, but is oblivious to most of the season start dates. That is all the seasons other than spring turkey season – she can tell you a month in advance of the spring season. Why’s that you ask? Well, it’s because I’m driving her crazy with all my turkey calls! I must have 10 different calls and much time is spent perfecting that perfect tone and pitch for each call. There’s nothing worse than breaking the silence on one of your calls with a sound that sends goosebumps up your spine for the shrillness of the screach!
I know I’m not normal, but you hunters know what I’m talking about. It’s not long in working a bird that you begin to get a feel for the mood he’s in. Some are hot, energetic, ready to go and to him I’ll opt for one of my calls that I can get aggressive on. Some are more subdued, they may just talk here and there not giving you much to go on. On these guys I’ll start slower. I’ll go for one of my sweetest talking calls that can easily purr and cut lightly and sort of ease into his world. I’ve saw these subdued guys go away, never to be heard again in the hunt after someone tried pushing him a bit to much. You see the point. I know it’s asking a lot of you lady folk, and it does take some practice, but it makes all the difference when you can judge our mood and respond accordingly. Of course we men have responsibility for the mood we’re in, but sometimes you just find yourself in a bad one and the last thing you want to hear is that screaching that many of us have titled nagging!
So next time that lovely wife of yours complains about you chasing some stupid bird, kindly let her know that the killing the bird part is simply a by-product of what you’re really doing out in them woods, and that’s learning to love her better than ever!
More lessons to be continued at a later date of my choosing! – Thanks for reading!